Published Wednesday, 8th February 2012
Being vulnerable. It’s not something we tend to aim for or aspire to. We don’t like to feel exposed or at the mercy of others and we’d rather not place ourselves in the line of fire. We like to be able to take care of ourselves and our concerns and go about our daily business feeling protected from the world and from the comments and observations of others. Sometimes we do this to our own detriment, but it feels safe.
Our vulnerabilities are often described as our Achilles Heel – our weak spot. In Greek legend, the sea-nymph, Thetis, tried many ways to make her mortal son, Achilles, immortal, the most famous of which was dipping her baby into the River Styx. Since Thetis had to hold him by the heel, this one spot was left vulnerable and at Troy brought about his death from a poisoned arrow shot by Paris. This myth is the personification of our ability to be brought down by our own weak spots and makes a strong connection between vulnerability and death. At the same time it highlights that our vulnerable spots are also the parts that make us human, a sign of our mortality and an intrinsic part of our nature. When we cannot mention what we may be struggling with, we are attempting to be super-human and it is often our attempts at being super-human that really lead to our downfall, whether that is in our own health and well-being, our relationships, our business, or perhaps even our life itself.
Our experience of showing our vulnerabilities though can indeed be painful and it usually feels as though our very survival is at stake. Perhaps we were ridiculed in the past or made to feel inadequate. Perhaps we were particularly vulnerable at some point during our developing years and nobody came to help. Perhaps in an attempt to gain power, and to stop the spotlight falling on us, we have exploited the vulnerabilities of others and are afraid of the same thing happening to us. During childhood, we are not usually in a position to defend ourselves and as such build strategies for our own protection. But as adults, when we are better equipped to handle things, what is it that stops us from exploring our vulnerabilities and acknowledging their presence? Are they too raw, too close to the knuckle? Do we prefer not to acknowledge our flaws? Do we think we are too old to change? Does our society in its focus on achievement and results not allow for it? I have my own theory, partly based on my own experiences and partly on my observations of working with others. I think that when we begin to show our own weaknesses, and express our personal challenges, we are afraid of falling apart. When we begin to lift the lid on our vulnerabilities we feel the enormity of the chasm inside and it’s a chasm that we are afraid of falling into. It is much easier to cling onto the life I know, even if I’m doing it by my fingertips, than to freefall into another world, especially if that is a world in which I feel alone.
Being vulnerable means being at risk to some kind of damage – be it physical, emotional or psychological. It doesn’t mean actually experiencing it – just being at risk of it. However it also means being open to receiving something from another person and it might just be their kindness or generosity. The trouble is we don’t know which and we won’t find out if we’re not willing to take the risk. Our Achilles heel may well be the route to our own downfall but it is also our connection to the human world if we can see it that way. The very point at which I am open to harm is also the same point at which I am open to love. They are one and the same. If I am so tight and ‘sorted’ that you can’t see my flaws, you will also struggle to see how to love me too. If I am closed to being vulnerable I am closed to being loved.
So, where does vulnerability fit into leadership? There is a false notion that strong leaders have no weaknesses. Certainly there is a focus on being positive and successful in leadership work, both of which have their place, but in their book, ‘Why Should Anyone Be Led By You?’ Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones identified four key characteristics of inspirational leaders, based on extensive research they had undertaken. One of those characteristics was selective vulnerability. Selective in the sense that exposing too many weaknesses may undermine your credibility but not showing any at all undermines your ability to connect with and inspire others. They found that leaders who did not show some kind of weakness may have been respected and admired but they were not inspirational. We are all human and the most inspiring leaders are those who experience personal challenges but manage to achieve something despite those. From people like that you gain hope. From people like that you acquire the belief that if they can do it, you can do it. And from people like that you can gain an understanding that it’s OK to be you with all your flaws and imperfections, all your uncertainties and doubts, and all your vulnerabilities. They are the ones that allow their souls to be pierced and in doing so pave the way for others to do the same. If we are to experience the fullness of life we need to take a few risks, despite our pain, and allow our souls to be exposed. Far from being alone we may find that we are in good company. I think one of our greatest fears is not being accepted for who we are and because of that, we don’t even accept our vulnerabilities in ourselves. Not being able to accept our own weaknesses then becomes a weakness in itself because our personal challenges are the portal through which we must pass to become more complete as human beings.
It takes a certain kind of strength to acknowledge your weaknesses and let them be seen and it takes a deeper kind of strength still to turn them around. But if you are willing to go there, the rewards in terms of your own fulfilment and sense of purpose are well worth the price. Yes, you may risk a bit of exposure but you will also risk the possibility of love and human connection. The arrow that you think is headed for your heel may well turn out to be the very one that strikes your soul. And if it strikes your soul it will inevitably reverberate through the soul of someone else.
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Published Wednesday, 7th December 2011
It may seem somewhat strange to write about the importance of soul and spirit at work. It may seem even more strange to write about it during times of recession, especially when the prevailing mood suggests you should consider yourself lucky to have a job at all never mind one that you enjoy. However, if we are to consider the real human element of what we do, we need to acknowledge and witness some fundamental needs; needs which hold no relationship whatsoever to the economic climate. You may have a job that pays the bills but if your job lacks spirit and soul then it lacks meaning and meaning is a fundamental issue that transcends economic fluctuations. Human needs do not stop just because the economy takes a dip.
Soul
To have soul at work means you must find work that connects to your own personal nature and makes you feel alive. Our choice of work flows from who we are – our interests, talents, hopes and values. If we do work in line with our nature, we are not contradicting the person we are or working against own values. During times of redundancy and the frenzied pursuit for the next job we don’t often think about who we are, and if financial matters are pressing we tend to take whatever job might present itself. Whilst that might be necessary to ease the pressure in the short term, adopting it as a long-term strategy means our work remains ungrounded and we become detached from what we do.
The soul is about connectedness and intimacy. It is what makes us unique as a person, a human being with deep feelings and the capacity for strong relationships. ‘Deep’ is perhaps the best word to describe the experience of the soul – deep feelings, deep connections, deep projects and deep thoughts. Soul is also about the ups and downs of life – the breathing in and out, winning and losing, beginnings and endings. It is the bitter-sweet rhythm of an engaged life. Soul gets lost when life can’t continue in its own rhythm and soullessness is the ultimate cause of deep dissatisfaction.
It is important in work not only to be excited about progressing and earning money but also to be deeply concerned about the value and importance of what we are doing. When you have soul, you are capable of loving your work and the things you create. This doesn’t mean liking every minute or being passionate about what you do but it must feel like the work you want to do. Soul is present when you are present – when you’re not just going through the motions. But it can’t appear if the job doesn’t allow for it or if you are not in a place yourself where you willing or able to bring it to work.
Many of the things we do today we do at a distance, never seeing the results of our labour. We worry so much about targets, profit and efficiency that important human issues go unnoticed and the connection between the two hardly registers. Whatever the work, however exalted or menial, a person needs the basic human experiences of intimate connection and love. Without soul, work feels empty. You have to force yourself to do it and you become open to being distracted at every opportunity. You may be physically present but mentally and emotionally you are far away.
If you have soul, you also have individuality. If you are not a person of soul you probably think like the crowd and go after the rewards that everyone takes for granted as being desirable. You may think like the culture at large or your religion or your family and be completely unaware of the influence of these groups on you. Part of finding your soul is to wake up to your own uniqueness and go your own way. This is not about being a maverick but rather choosing to live from your heart and recognising that if you can’t live from that place in your current job then perhaps it is time to move on.
Spirit
Spirit is different from soul but is equally important. It is the upper regions of experience and includes vision, growth, discovery and adventure. Spirit is not the same as spirituality – it is a more fundamental portion of who you are. Ideas, enthusiasm, challenge, and intellectual stimulation are all aspects of spirit. The spirit embodies elements of transcendence and going beyond the status quo. It is uplifting major key music in contrast to the deeper minor keys of the soul.
Spirit is what gives you a large view of life and your place in it. It provides you with the opportunity to engage your high ideals and attracts you to the aims and values of an organisation. It provides an opening where your individual contribution can connect to a wider purpose.
Whilst the spirit is strong and focused, it can be sacrificed for materialistic purposes. The spirit can be crushed by the weight of forces that give you money to live on but no opportunity to make progress with your ambitions or ideals. The crushing of the spirit is a form of depression at work and can show up in disguised symptoms such as poor performance, anger, cynicism, excessive criticism, whining and ultimately withdrawal from life.
The Combination
Spirit and soul are both essential and work best when linked to one another. They are two ends of the same spectrum – one extending upwards towards the future and possibilities; the other pushing downwards to our human history and timeless wisdom. They are two directions, both necessary to each other. The soul grows roots whilst the sprit grows leaves. Spirit moves us into the future while the soul keeps us tied to the past. Both are rich resources – the deep and the transcendent, and give dimension to our quest for a life of purpose. After all, we are not just looking for a job but some activity that will bring meaning to our existence.
To have a job where soul and spirit come together creatively means you can pursue your high ideals, know you make a difference, and feel deeply connected to the people and results. This is a truly rewarding place to be where you remain grounded to the circumstances of your life and appreciate the simple pleasures even as you explore the world in pursuit of your dreams. When they come together, you are able to orchestrate the whole range of major and minor key music and allow them to play out in the opus of your own life. Accepting a job that turns out to have neither is like buying a seat for a concert in which the music never starts.
Soul and spirit work like partners. Together they offer depth and transcendence, memory and hope, intimacy and universality. They engage the whole person in creating work that satisfies and offers a sense of meaning. These two dimensions make for a complete experience of work and in the end give your life the great dimensions it needs to fulfil you as a person.
But if you are afraid of life’s potential and hide away, or if you freeze your spirit in some form of ideology or belief system, you will have no vibrant soul and spirit to bring to your work. Both spirit and soul have to be alive or else one will suffer from wounds to the other. When people leave employment as a result of despondency rather than opportunity, it is usually as the result of damage to one or other, if not to both.
The Impact on Leadership
Leadership and engagement are two topics that are much discussed in the HR and management community. Catering for both aspects of spirit and soul are absolutely essential if the human dimension of work is to be fully connected. These are not fluffy new-age notions but timeless and fundamental elements of what it means to be human, and in particular what it means to be human at work.
It is the role of organisational leaders to build both aspects of a business – the visionary and the deeply connected and it is the role of each and every one of us as leaders of our own lives to find those aspects in ourselves if we are to live a life of meaning.
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Published Monday, 21st November 2011
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