Published Friday, 3rd December 2010
One of the things I like about the snow is that it forces us all to slow down. We can’t tear along the road in the car at 50mph then suddenly slam the brakes on at the traffic lights without expecting to do a few pirouettes through the junction. We can’t leave the house ten minutes late and do the usual half-run down the street to catch the train or the bus without landing on our backs, feeling like we’ve met an invisible martial artist who has suddenly and unexpectedly taken our feet out from under us. When it snows, we are forced to take things at a much steadier pace. Life seems to happen in slow motion and, if we adjust to it, it can be quite a refreshing change.
We normally live at such a fast rhythm these days that the only time we stop is when we fall into bed or take a holiday. Even the long leisurely years of childhood have speeded up. When I saw my nephew last weekend (he’s eleven) and asked him what he was doing he replied ‘Monday I’ve got this, Tuesday I’m doing that, Wednesday I’m staying with my friend and on Thursday my friend is staying with me’. When I was his age, I wouldn’t have known what I was doing in the afternoon, never mind what I was doing four days from now.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have a full life and plenty going on but in amongst all the madness it’s good to have a bit of stillness and calm. I remember when I was young, there was an old woman who lived in the house at the back of ours and now and again I used to go round with something for her from my mum. I’d ring the bell and look through the frosted glass in the front door. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, I’d see the shape of a figure emerge at the far end of the hallway and slowly walk towards me. I could have run round the block three times in the few minutes it took her to get to the front door but I knew that probably wasn’t the thing to do. So I’d sing ‘Come on, come on, come on’ under my breath to as many different melodies as I could think of and wait on the step for her to open the door.
She used to invite me in and I can remember that when I stepped inside it was as though my urge to hurry up disappeared. It was like going back in time and entering into a black and white photograph. Everything was from a different era and the clock ran at a different pace. At first I found it a bit unnerving but I gradually got used to it and then actually began to enjoy it. We would have a chat whenever I went round and she would tell me about her family and ask about mine. There was something about having a conversation with her when nothing else was going on that was quite special. She wasn’t talking to me while she was doing something else. She wasn’t half with me because she was in a rush to get out. She was fully present and it was just the two of us talking and listening with all the time in the world.
That taught me at young age about the value of slowing down and the sweetness that can exist when there is not much going on apart from a little conversation and a couple slices of chocolate cake. Perhaps when it snows that is nature’s way of setting up that space.
Have a very happy Christmas and enjoy the festive season.
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Published Friday, 1st October 2010
In the quest to understand more about myself, I discovered a book some years ago called Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. It was about the Jungian personality types as seen through the lens of Keirsey’s temperament theory. Carl Jung first developed the theory that individuals have a psychological type and when that is known, it can help to predict behaviour. Keirsey’s temperament theory stemmed from his identification of human behaviour patterns that tended to fall into four temperaments, some of the basis for which dates back to Hippocrates, Plato and Aristotle.
This book, more than any other I had read at that time, shed some light on the innate nature of personality. When I identified my own, it helped me understand more of my characteristics and preferences. It also opened me up to my blind spots – those aspects of my behaviour that I was not aware of, even though they were probably apparent to others.
I have found the study of personality temperaments and types helpful in the understanding of who we really are, rather than who we should be and are not. This is not to say that we are fixed by our personalities but when we can begin to recognize something of ourselves through the nature of archetypes, certain things begin to slot into place. Understanding our innate strengths is key to self-esteem and confidence. Recognising our blind spots is critical if we are to understand our effect on others and our tendencies to sometimes sabotage our own progress. Both are necessary in the process of self-acceptance and self-acceptance is absolutely critical before any kind of self-development or change can take place.
Often, unless we belong to an organisation that invests in the development of its people through tools such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, opportunities to see ourselves in this light are limited. For those who have had access, their stories are literally at times, life-changing. I spoke to someone recently who said that both his business partnership and his marriage were saved by gaining an understanding of his own and his partners’ personality types and by a willingness on behalf of all concerned to work together. Equally, there have been many career changes made when someone begins to understand that they are not inherently suited to certain types of work and are open to the possibility that a different job could completely change their motivation and commitment.
In an attempt to make the benefits of this type of work accessible to individuals, I have introduced a new one-day workshop called One-day workshop - Who Do You Think You Are?. This course provides an opportunity for you to understand your personality along four key dimensions, what that says about your innate temperament, and how it may impact on your work, love and life.
Understanding innate personality has helped many people to improve the quality of their relationships and their confidence. For others, it has completely changed their lives. If you are interested in coming along, or know of anyone else who is, I will be running this workshop in November. The full programme is available on the One Life 2 Live website.
Andrea
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Published Monday, 2nd August 2010
Whilst there is much talk about ‘success’ in life I have always felt that that type of emphasis focuses people on one-upmanship, the relentless pursuit of material gain and the avoidance, and therefore fear, of failure. I often overhear conversations along the lines of ‘He or she is very successful, but so-and-so hasn’t quite made it’. All of our organisations, from schools to corporate bodies, have measures in place to determine how ‘successful’ or otherwise they are. Where do we feature in the league table? Are we doing better than our competitors? How much money have we made? Of course, these things are important but they are not the be-all-and-end-all. Instead of focussing on success and achievement from the outset I often wonder how things would change if we were to ask a different question. What if our start point was not about success but about this: What does it mean to live a meaningful life? How would that change things and what would it open up for us?
In Western education there is a strong focus on acquiring subject knowledge as a foundation for future life. Much organisational training follows the same route – acquiring more knowledge on how to do your job better and more successfully. Very rarely are things like gratitude, trust, respect, honesty and integrity taught. In fact, it is assumed that these things are not teachable or learnable and yet it is usually because of the existence or non-existence of these factors that our lives become enriched or diminished. In the pursuit of technical competence, the development of character, and all the challenges that go along with that, is overlooked. I wonder how lives would change if alongside their subject studies, children were taught the art of perseverance and the exercise of conscience as a fundamental way of living and something that would apply for the rest of their lives.
Our current way of living produces a huge paradox: we are fantastically wealthy and have access to all sorts of products and services, and yet we live impoverished lives. As humans, we treat all other forms of life as though they exist for our convenience and we have become separated from the consequences of our actions. Organisations whose leaders and senior staff consider their only responsibility is to create money are the ones where lack of purpose, emptiness of soul and continual illness are not infrequent results. Whilst we have made huge advances in science, it creates the illusion that everything can be reduced and explained. If something cannot be logically defined then it holds no validity. If it cannot be described, rationalised or analysed, then it is dismissed. In our attempt to interpret the night sky we have forgotten the magic of simply looking at the stars.
The work we do at One Life 2 Live centres around assisting people to re-connect with the meaning and purpose of their own life, or perhaps to really discover it for the first time. It is all too common now for people to feel isolated and insignificant; a little dead on the inside, feeling that something is missing but not quite able to put their finger on what it is. Through our work we aim to help people recognise their own unique and personal significance, to step into it and to begin to experience the essence of being alive. That means exploring the very core of our own beings. It is from that place that we notice and fail to notice what we can do and what is possible. It is from that place that we act or fail to act and it is our actions that ultimately determine the quality of our lives and the lives of those around us. Perhaps if we shift our focus away from personal success towards living a life of meaning we can begin to change what we notice, reshape how we act and begin to discover our personal significance and value.
Enjoy the remainder of the Summer and, if you are out one night, take a look at the stars. You never know, you might experience a little bit of magic!
Andrea
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